i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
