I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
