you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
