roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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