You're my little dorito
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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