The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
