I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
