How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
