This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
