I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
