I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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