Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
