Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
