My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
