He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
