Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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