We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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