Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my shit smells like andre
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
