So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
