They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
