If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
