finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
