I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
