Reggie can tackle my bush.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
