ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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