we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
