I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
