I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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