I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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