You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize