My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
