He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
