i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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