just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I wonβt know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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