All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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