I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
