Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
