so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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