Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
