I seem to have left my pride at pride
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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