Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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