nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
