whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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