Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
