There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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