You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
