Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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