i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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