i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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