I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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