Tell her she can't have a vagina
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
