Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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