i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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