maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize