U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
