Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
