I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i now understand why vodka
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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