I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
