Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
