No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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