Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
