my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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