i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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