how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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