she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
