I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
